what is wrong with my child?!?

I rarely write about sleep on the blog these days.  It's not that things are perfect.  They are faaaar from perfect.  But generally Adeline's sleep has been bearable for the past few months.  We have basically resolved ourselves to the thought that she will never be one of those kids that goes to sleep and stays asleep easily.  Bedtimes take a long time and she wakes up at least once most nights.  She is constantly changing.  Things that work well for one week are complete flops the next.  We have had precisely 2 one week long stints where she consistently went to sleep in her crib with no fussing.  The 'norm'... or closest she comes to having a 'norm'... is that we read a ton of books with classical music playing softly, then we rock for a while, sometimes she will get in her crib without fussing and we can leave the room then come check on her periodically when she calls out.  If she won't get in her crib without a fight then I continue to rock her until she either goes to the crib without a fuss or goes to sleep.  The whole process (from books to sleep) takes at least an hour.

Tonight things are terribly out of control.  I have seen it coming for a few days now.  She has been fighting the crib and fighting rocking.  She wants in the crib, she wants to rock, she wants her blanket, she doesn't want her blanket.  It's been so frustrating.  but it has not been completely out of control.  Until tonight.  

Tonight she had a really hard time settling down and could not make up her mind about what she wanted.  After almost an hour of books and rocking I had to leave the room for Robert to take over.  She was screaming, I was crying... we were both frustrated beyond measure.  If we were rocking, she was screaming, "Bed!!  Addie Bed!!"  Then if I put her in the bed she stood up immediately, freaking out, "Rock, Rock!!"  When I did get her to lay down in her crib (still screaming) she screamed, "Blanket!!  Two Blankets!!" and when I tried to put them on her she flailed her legs screaming, "No Blanket!"  What the heck?!  I tried talking to her, asking her what she wanted, did she want me to hold her?  rock her?  pat her back?  Nothing helped.  She was beyond reason, had no idea what she wanted.  She could not stop screaming and flailing around.  Robert took over and after more screaming she is finally quiet in there.  I'm not sure how he got her calmed down or if she finally just exhausted herself, but it *seems* like the torture is over for the time being.

This is certainly not the first meltdown she's had.  It's probably not even the roughest bedtime we've ever had.  But for some reason it was especially frustrating/disheartening/upsetting for me tonight.  I think it is because I'm not sure how in the world I can handle nights like this when I also have a newborn to take care of.  And it is always hard to handle when things have been somewhat under control for a while, then they suddenly spiral out of control and nothing you try does any good.  I know she will change again and it will get better, but it is hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel when you are neck deep in a bedtime nightmare.

Thank God for Robert.  He is a saint.