cheetah.

Hayes : "Mama, do you know why I have all these spots?"

Me : [Noticing immediately they are drawn with permanent marker and starting to silently panic, wondering how long he has had a Sharpie without my knowledge and fearing what, if any damage has been done beyond spots drawn on skin] "Hmmm... why do you have those spots?"

Hayes : "Because I'm a cheetah. Can you even imagine how fast I can run with these spots?!? It's serious."

No other damage has been identified around the house as of yet. I found the permanent marker at the kids' art desk. Darn Adeline, she has a thing for Sharpies and it seems our "must stay at the kitchen table whilst using a permanent marker" rule is lacking enforcement lately. See, it's not really her I'm worried about. It's the cheetah that could cause some serious damage.